Saturday, January 3, 2009

You will love Married Life...It's the Best

I cannot tell you how many times I have read/heard that quote before I was married. I had friends/acquaintances that were getting married and other married women would say to them on Facebook, Myspace, Blogs, Forums, etc that they would "Love married life..it's the best." I would always think to myself "What in the world does that mean?? I mean, you already love your spouse that's for sure. In some instances (such as ours) there was co-habitation before marriage therefore you were semi-living married life in that aspect. You'll have an additional ring on your finger and a ring on his....but I guess I don't get that statement." I just never quite understood- but I did know that it was a phrase I heard oh so very often.

(These next thoughts are sporadic and it was hard to put my thoughts and feelings into words that flow well, but hopefully you can follow.)

As I spent some time (a LOT of time) reflecting on 2008 the other day in the wee hours of the morning while alone; I really did some thinking on that statement. I will not lie, and I will share from my heart that 2008 was not a very good year. It was an alright year..but one that I was looking forward to moving onward from. The best thing that happened in 2008 was that I married the man of my dreams and the love of my life on October 11th. Hands down, the best.thing.ever. But surrounding the days leading up to October 11th, there was stress...there were tears. There were fights, and arguments and layoffs and decisions and scary what-ifs and some tough decisions to make and some fine lines to walk. There were circumstances that I could not control, and times where I found myself on my knees pleading with the Lord to give me the desire to live just one more day. I was engaged and planning a wedding- which also often holds the quote "You are in such a fun time of your life wedding planning and all..enjoy it." Well I tried to focus and do that. But you know what???? Planning a wedding is not what life is all about. Period. You cannot let that become your number one focus. Because the second you let things become your main focus other than your relationships with the ones you love and your relationship with God....life crumbles. It doesn't seem so full anymore. I was struggling to dig and dig and plan and plan and find this so-called "best time of your life being engaged". I fought to find it. I planned more...I planned and planned and thought (apparently) that I would have a "Eureka" moment at some point and it would all be clear. My life would be chocolate covered and I would be living in a land of daisies and rainbows. But you know what??? Young or old, single, engaged, newlyweds, or a married couple of 20+ years, divorced or widowed...life is freaking hard. Life is hard, but God is good and I think it is so important not to confuse the two. I encourage your to read that last sentence again. And again.

Rob and I hurdled obstacles and curve balls thrown our way, and made our lifelong commitments to ourselves and our family and friends and our God. We exchanged vows, rings, irreplaceable smiles, I Do's, deep stares into each others eyes, and a kiss to seal it all. We were married.

And all of the sudden a weight was lifted. There wasn't pressure to plan a wedding. There weren't any decisions to be made about colors, flowers, linens, cakes, food, bubbles or sparklers, wine or beer, brown or champagne or ivory, this or that, yes or no...and I was so thrilled. You know what??? I got too wrapped up. Was our wedding everything I had ever dreampt of??? Yes it was, hands down. If I went back and did it again, would I change any part of it??? Only one thing--my photographer who I am extremely disappointed in, but that is another post for another day. But that is the one and only, and I mean one and only thing I would change as far as the day is concerned. However, if I knew then what I know now- I would not make it the main focus in my life. I would focus on me, and my happiness and my relationships that I treasure. That wedding day is the first day of the rest of our lives and no matter how much you stress or don't stress planning your wedding- the day still lasts only 24 hours. Like I said, our day was perfect, gorgeous...and everything I ever wanted for our wedding. We get compliments on our wedding everytime we see someone who attended. And I look at our wedding photos all of the time. I guess what I am saying here, and admitting is that I lost focus of what was truly important when that day is over. And what will still remain after the flowers have dried, and the linens are removed, and the dress hangs in the closet and the last bubble has floated away- will be my relationships. No matter what is going on in your life, and no matter what stage you are in, and no matter what God has placed on your plate--hold your relationships near. Cherish them. Lean on those people. Do not focus so much on other things that you push those closest to you away. It takes so much to bring them back.

So those are some reflections that I had, and now that my head is incredibly more clear than it has been in a very long time, I sat and thought a little bit longer in those wee hours of the morning. "You will love married life...it's the best." You know what? I know the meaning of that statement now. Every morning I get to wake up next to the man who protects me. Every night I get to lay in bed and talk about life with the man that wants to give me the world. I have my lifelong partner. I have someone I can turn to with anything and everything and has loving arms to hold me when I'm falling and arms to embrace me when I'm in need of a hug. The decisions that we make now are decisions for us, for our future...and that excites me. There is trust and there is security. Now are there hard times?? Absolutely. But you know...it's such a wonderful feeling in the midst of the lowest of lows to know that there is a man that wants to take that pain away. That he is there, and I can just be me. On the inside of Rob's ring, I have engraved "Love of my Life, My Soul Mate. Without him I am still something, but with him...I'm everything. I love married life, it's the best.

So I want to hear from all of you...what do you love most about being married?? If you have said the phrase "You will love married life, it's the best"...what does that mean to you?? Even if you haven't said the phrase..what do you enjoy most about your marriage?? Please share your thoughts...I would love to hear =)

2 talker(s):

Stephanie said...

I hear you loud and clear on this one! We were married the weekend after you two and I was so relieved to see the planning come to an end.

We were engaged for 14 months and in that time we bid on a house, lost a job, put everything on hold, found a new job, bought a different house, moved 45 min away and still tried to plan everything for our "perfect day".

2008 was good and bad at the same time but I have to agree I am really glad to see it go. I think this year I am hoping for a "little" year rather than a big one like last year. I know life will be hard but I'm just looking forward to being "we".

Stephanie said...

Holy Cow! Are you sure we aren't living the same life in two different places?!?!

We we got engaged on August 15th (which happens to be my husband's birthday)while on vacation at Niagara Falls. It was supposed to happen on the 14th but there is a long story about that...

Our pooch has been behaving himself today... so far!