Sunday, August 10, 2008

Daisies and Rainbows..and the inbetween..

For the most part, this blog has been a way for me to share and document the events of our lives. And why I felt that only meant the good and "chocolate covered" events- I am not sure. It's not always a life of daisies and rainbows. There is rain and there are thorns.

I (and in return WE) have been going through some tough times lately. I was recently laid off of my job (yes..2 months before the wedding) and I have just felt a tremendous amount of guilt for the pressure that it has put on myself, but more importantly my precious soon-to-be hubby. He has worked so very hard in this life to get where he is, and I just don't understand why sometimes he chose me. I mess up so much and it brings us down. I am working on these things so very very hard. But sometimes I just wonder what in the world is appealing about me, for Rob to stick around.

A very close friend (and a member of the wedding party) told me the other day.."Amy, how can you be sure the boat will stand tough waters if you have only been in a pond". And he's right. I know that Rob and I are both in this for the long haul. He loves me and I love him. We have found each other, and desire no one but the other. What an incredible feeling. But I am still so very hard on myself...and struggle daily wondering "why he loves me". It seems like I am always screwing something up.

Anyway...I have been job searching like crazy...and hoping that the lights at the end of these tunnels are not trains. I had an interview last Friday, and really enjoyed the we shall see what happens from there! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers if you don't this is a very very trying time for us.

In the land of wedding planning--this darn wedding is coming WAY faster than I would prefer right now!!! Why is it when you are 286 days away from the wedding (yes..I have a countdown going on in the kitchen) it seems like I can't update the "new day" quick enough. And now...we are approximately 60 days/2 months/8 weeks from this wedding and I am screaming "SLOW DOWN!!!!!". Oh well, what are you going to do?!?!? We have some last minute ends to tie up..and I know the day is going to be beautiful and perfect.

My bridal shower is this upcoming Saturday (August 16th) and I am so excited for that day!!! I don't think it has sunk in that its my BRIDAL shower...but I'm sure it will when I go to my closet and try to find something to wear, LOL!!!!

So I had a HORRIBLE dream last night....a wedding dream. The DJ didn't show up....we couldn't get a hold of my flower lady (her office phone just kept ringing and ringing) and the family friend doing our cakes said she ran out of flour. The lady who was going to do all of the girls makeup was sick...and my sister (who is doing the girls hair) forgot her hairdryer, curling iron, bobby name it. So then, I wanted to get away...and I stepped outside and it was pouring ran. And I looked up and who is seeing me in my dress before the wedding??? ROB!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH !@#*!@#^!@*!!!!!!

Let me tell you.....I have NEVER been more glad to wake up from a dream/nightmare than I was in the middle of the night last night! I sat straight up and Rob said "Are you ok" and I said..."mmmmm, yeah" and laid back down with my heart pounding!!! I'm job hunting, wedding planning, and life dealing. It's going to get better...but this is also life--and I'm going to live it.

4 talker(s):

Clint and Lauren Brock said...

I was laid off one week after getting back from the honeymoon...and am only now (tomorrow) starting my new job! (about 3 months late) I know exactly how you feel - I have felt so bad this whole time for not contributing financially. But, they are not marrying us for our financial assets :) luckily! Sounds like you are on track for a great new job though. It was good for us to go through this tight time I think - just wanted to let you know other people are struggling as well and you can make it just fine. :) It's all for good. :)

Clint and Lauren Brock said...

i meant 3 months lateR :)

Trisha said...

I also know exactly how you feel! I lost my job 1.5 months before our wedding, and at the time I was the "bread winner" (Ric going to school), so it was ESPECIALLY hard on us! BUT, we made it through. I found a new job (3 months later), and since found another new job (ha). I don't know if you have found a job yet, but if not, GOOD LUCK!! I will be thinking about you!

Ricardo and Lauren said...

Marriage def isn't always easy, but the tough times help to make your marriage stronger. Rico has had some tough job issues as well and valleted cars for 1 1/2 years before he found the right thing. 5 months after we got married his dad had a massive heart attack which left him in ICU for 45 days and then another 20 days which we spent every waking moment either working or at the hospital. One of the reasons you have each other is specifically for these hard times. You need someone who understands, loves and supports you no matter what the situation is! Good luck finding a new job!! Hope everything goes as smoothly as possible!