Friday, May 22, 2009

Praise You in this Storm

Life is tough....really really tough right now. I am broken, I am deflated. I know a lesson is being taught. I know this. I know I am being grown. I know this. I am not alone. I know this. In what I hope and pray will be a long life for myself as an individual and as a life with my husband this time will be a very small part of our life together. I know this.

Man how I thought back in kindergarten that my mom not packing me the snack I wanted or only packing fruit and nothing sweet for dessert was the worst thing in the world. I remember in 5th grade thinking a girl having better scrunch socks than men was the worst thing that could happen to me. I remember in 10th grade, thinking that me not having a brand new car might be so important..and in 12th grade me thinking that performing for the last time with my friends on drill team might just break my heart in two. A couple of long distance relationships had my stomach in knots and it seemed like it "just wasn't fair". Wedding photographers and flower and colors and perfection- seemed to be what defined me for 14 months of wedding planning.

And you know- at all of those points in time, those were my storms. I don't think I praised. I think I thought I was praising and seeking the Truth and the Lesson, but now that I really take a good look back, I thought I was owed a happy ending.

I am a good person. I want good for others. I want to have a successful career, a love filled marriage and well behaved children someday. Therefore, God will have planned for my life to be "an easy one". Am I or was I this naive??

Yall I don't have words right now. None at all. I have enough tears right now to flood our home..but I have no words. My heart is so broken and I have never felt so dumb and ignorant to life and it's ways as I do right.this.very.moment.

There will be harder lessons to learn in the future. I know this. This will not be the toughest thing Rob and I have to battle through as a couple. I know this. My life is still good even through my tear filled eyes. I know this.

Sometimes eyes cleansed with tears see the clearest.

All I can do right now is play this song over and over and over.

God has a plan for me. A plan for us. He says to trust him. He says to me "Amy, I love you and you are to follow me. I have a plans for you far beyond your dreams. I know this."

13 talker(s):

skinnyrunner said...

love love love this songs. its the ringtone on my phone. so good and such a powerful message.

Ricardo and Lauren said...

song gives me chills everytime i hear it. actually, I tear up most of the time.

I'you ae going thru such a hard time right now. lifting you up...

Ricardo and Lauren said...

i meant to say "i'm sorry you are going thru such a hard time"

Undomesticated Newlywed said...

Oh honey..my heart breaks for you. I have no idea what is going on right now, but please know that I am praying for you to weather our this storm. I know you will. The love that you and Rob have is stronger than anything else...

If you ever need to vent or talk to anyone, you know how to reach me...

AC said...

Your words spoke to me. I, too, am going through some incredible struggles, sometimes overwhelming, but I count on my faith to see me through. Whatever you are dealing with, you are in my prayers.

Cally D said...

always here for you in any way i can be Amy! wish we were closer...dumb border!!! xo

Sara said...

Love you and wish there was more I could do to help!!!

Angie said...

I am not sure what you are going through, but please know that I am thinking of you and hoping everything turns out ok. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and that He doesn't give us more than we can handle. I hope everything will be ok for you.

Lara said...

The only thing I can do when I am going through a tough time is take it one day (or even one moment) at a time. Nobody can ask any more of you, and you shouldn't ask any more of yourself. Sometimes you expect too much from yourself, and you have to remember that whatever you're going through, you're only having trouble because you haven't yet learned how to deal with it.

But this is what life is about; learning how to cope, and learning to concentrate on the now, what is important to you, and to rely on those who can offer you their support.

You seem to have a strong faith; which is something that I don't have. I have never believed, and therefore have never had the sense that there is a plan, or a reason for all of this. But I firmly believe we come out of it stronger, and that it's character building.

I went through a huge depression when I was 16, and I came out stronger, and it was onyl then that I met my Hubby. I'm happier now than I've ever been, and that's because I fought through it.

Be strong when you have to be, cry when you need to, and take the support people you love can offer you. You'll get there in the end; I promise you.

Donna said...

Thinking about you Miss Amy!!!

Hugs & kisses!!!

kara battel said...

amy... i am thinking of you and hope that you are feeling better. tough time come and go just as the good ones do...

for me, remembering that chris and i are on the same team helps so much, without us together our kids have nothing, heck, our dogs don't even have anything! i wish only good things for you and rob and hope that you will fill us in on the details soon... when you are ready-- have a wonderful day and keep on praising... he does have a plan for you-- far beyond what you can plan for yourself!

Trudy said...

Hi Amy, I probably have to catch up to see what's happening with you but you are right, we have an awesome God and He wants great things for you. I will be praying for you too!

Bethany said...

Thinking of you and hoping the storm passes soon.