Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Urine Schample......




So we're gonna get reaalll comfy reaaalll quick. So collecting urine samples on ourselves isn't really my idea of a good time, or heck, even an "ok" time- but every now and again it has to be done.

So fine, I wrap my hand in tons of papertowels as I grab the nasty germ infested Sharpie that they LEAVE in the bathroom for the people have just peed hopefully in the cup and not all over their hands, to use. I try and keep my hands covered in papertowels as I write my name on the cup. And writing on a curved surface with a Sharpie with a dull tip, and a sticker the size of this line ________ trying to fit my entire name on the cup without it all running together is enough of a stress that I begin to feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack coming on as I sit in the restroom. So get the urine sample in the cup and stick it in the "Secret" door- and hope that someone with a rubber glove on doesn't reach through the other side right when they hear "my" door open. That would plain FREAK me out. I'm not going to pass my cup of urine through the wall to another hand. No way jose.

Please wait until my door is closed and then do whatever you see fit with the cup.
Thanks,
Urine Sample Management


Anyway....so I've gone into a little much detail here, but whatev. It's my thoughts and fears on the UA, and that ain't gonna change =)

So why in the WORLD is Amy talking about pee on her blog???

Well I am SO GLAD you asked!!!!!!!!!!!!

We noticed that the sweet schnauzer was having to go outside far too often to "go potty" and she would try and squat 2 or 3 times each times she went out. Well I have been told before at each of the vet appointments we have taken Sadie in for, that Schnauzers are very prone to Bladder Infections (among a list of like 100 other things- It's a good thing she's cute as all get out.) They told us what to look for in order to see the signs of a UTI, so within 12 hours of this going on I informed sweet husband that we needed to take her in. I think he is always hesitant when I begin to self diagnose myself and NOW the dog...but hey- something about my "motherly" instinct????

Anyway, I was busy yesterday so "dad" took in the pup at 11:30. Like any good pet owner, he had her go potty outside the vet before he took her in, just to make sure she didn't embarrass us and pretend she wasn't potty trained. Well of course they need a darn urine analysis from the poor pup. So the vet tech tried to take drag Sadie outside and have her go potty again- to which Sadie looked at her like--"woman, I just went, now let me sniff around....but I'm not gonna pee." So they went back inside, went ahead and said it sounded like a UTI, and gave Rob the meds for Sadie, charged us for the Urine Analysis, and sent him on his merry way with 2 empty sterile urine cups.

So he calls me on his way home and tells me bits and pieces of the vet visit, and how they couldn't get her to pee (YA THINK?!?!) and how we now have to collect a urine sample on our own. WHHHHHATTTTTTTTTT??????

Yes.

We.have.to.collect.a.urine.sample.from.a.female.dog.


Note I said FEMALE. So that means the space between her little "tee tee" and the grass blade is about thismuch. At least if it had been the male labrador there would have been a decent stream!!!!

Soooo, I get home and decide to take her out. So I leave her off the leash because there is no way I'm juggling a pee cup, a leash, and a schnauzer while parading around the yard in heels. Puuhhlllease.

So I am following her very closely b/c I have like .5 seconds to catch her in the act, right?? So I'm following her like white on rice, and she's all hunkered down with her tail tucked thinking she has done something wrong!!! Can ya BLAME the poor girl??? She wanted her space!!! HAHAH!!

So finally she stops, and she squats and I throw the cup under her and catch a raindrop amount of urine. Yes, a raindrop. I think she thought she had to go more than she really did (hence the Bladder infection) so there wasn't much in her.

So Rob and I tag teamed and spent the rest of the afternoon taking turns playing urine catcher. You can repeat the scenario above over and over - well, except for the part about Rob wearing heels..that was only me.

About 5 hours later we FINALLY got enough of a sample to take it to the vet. I get the cup, and take it in. I have to admit I felt hilarious riding in the Tahoe with a container of pee in the cup holder.

So I get there, drop off the urine and they asked me how long it had taken to get it. Conversation went as follows:

Vet Tech (VT): How fresh is this urine?
Me: (frowning I'm sure): Well we gathered it throughout the course of the afternoon
VT: Was it refrigerated?
Me: Was it REFRIGERATED?????
VT: Yes, in between trips to collect, did you refrigerate the sample?
Me (thinking)--gee ma'am..no I didn't keep it in my fridge! I keep lemonade and diet coke, left overs, yogurt, fruits and veggies in my fridge...even some brown rice, but I DONT KEEP URINE IN MY FRIDGE. MY APOLOGIES!!!!
Me: No, it wasn't in the fridge
VT: Ok well, sometimes if it's kept hot- the bacteria will break down and we won't get as good of an analysis
Me (thinking)- how about YOU come to my house and collect the darn sample. After all, yall are the medical team right???
Me: Well I tell ya what...let's go ahead and go with this one and see what we get, K??? If it comes back totally normal, I'll collect another- but for now..you can start with this.
VT: Sure, that sounds great ma'am
Me (thinking) Yes it sounds good because there is no other choice unless you're catching a ride back to the house with me woman!

So long story longer- Sadie DOES have a UTI, the vet called to confirm that today. Also let me know that she might had Bladder Stones as well, and would like us to consider an $84 X-Ray. She said there was just a high amount of blood in Sadie's urine. I politely informed her that we will keep Sadie on these meds for 1 week and the re-access her count via another sample. If the counts are still really high, absolutely we will do the X-Ray...gotta keep the babies safe.

So stay tuned, b/c when we collect this next urine sample in a week, I might just take some pictures!


10 talker(s):

Bethany said...

Oh my! This post cracked me up! Hope she's okay. :)

Wendy said...

Oh my! Def. need to get some pics of that! And maybe make Rob wear the high heels next time! LOL

Cally D said...

okay, this should be in a sitcom or something...i hope sadie's okay!!!! xo

Suzanne said...

I am cryinf from this post. You crack me up. Hope the puppy is ok!

Ricardo and Lauren said...

Tiger had a really bad one a few months back. so bad he was peeing blood. we luckily ddn't have to collect the urine ourselves! Hope she feel better, poor thing!!

~ Donna ~ said...

Hahaaa, lol....I hope Sadie recovers!

Angie said...

lol i'm laughing but I'm also worried about your puppeh. I really hope she's ok!

Linda Bryson said...

I'm CRACKING UP! Sweet little Sadie! You painted the perfect picture, for inside my head. Thanks, Amy! HA!

amy said...

so so funny you are. :)

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