Friday, February 27, 2009

It's a Real Love

Being a newlywed, I am constantly trying to improve myself as a wife, as a lifelong partner, the cream to his coffee and the band-aid to his boo boo. Everyday as a wife is new to me, just as each and every new day of being a husband is new to Rob. There are so many things that people don't tell you about marriage. Not because they forget, or they don't wish you happiness, but because they are just things that are learned and dealt with as you walk the journey of life together.

Through observation of my own marriage (man, that still makes me giddy to say) and through some conversation with other married couples, a common denominator of our marriages seems to be that of our spouse's quirkes as well as our own. When you are dating, even engaged, you seem to float high above the clouds of life on your merry way, learning about each other and just not believing that this person happened to you!! Things are so lovey-dovey, new and you laugh off or overlook the things that may bother you about the other. Again, simply through my personal observation, it seems like all the quirkes are "no big deal" before the wedding, even leading up to the wedding day. But the day after your wedding, they aren't ok anymore. Black or gray. Leaving your shoes around was tolerated before we were married but the VERY moment you said "I Do" it became not ok. I let you react to certain situations a certain way before we were married, but now that we are together forever, you need to change your way of reacting. You see, I myself as well as my husband are guilty of these past couple of sentences. There are things that I do that drive Rob absolutely insane and things that he does that drive me batty. So why do we both think that we have a right to tell the person the day after we are married that it's not "ok" anymore. You see, it's not a light switch. The way we are, or our actions or reactions cannot always just be turned off and on as easy as that. It's a matter of communicating the concerns, and working first as in individual and supportive as a couple to make it all work. To create that synergy. I believe after marriage, you come down from the clouds (some hit with a louder thud than others) and come to reality. I can't even say back to reality because in all honesty- the 3 years Rob and I were together before we got married were these incredible "this can't be true and happening to me" kind of years. And our future will be full of incredible. A new incredible. It's life and it's real. I came across an amazing quote. It simply says what I have tried to put into words for a long time.

"If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy infatuation and make me 'happy', then I'd have to get a 'new' marriage every two or three years. But if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I'd need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse." - Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage

How very true is that quote??? So true. I am currently reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. One of the first few chapters is titled "What happens to Love after the Wedding". It is discussing the very details of the quote above. The infatuation changes, the PDA changes *wink*, the lovebird-be-next-to-each-other-all-the-time changes. Does it change for the worse?? Absolutely not. It changes for the better. It grows deep. Very deep. And I yearn for that. I have struggled to ACCEPT that life and love goes through stages and motions. You aren't in the clouds 100% of the time, and that's ok- and the correct thing is to be in reality. We all come back here at some point and learn to live and love life together. I love reading that quote. Love knowing that where my love is and how it is growing and changing is completely normal. I'm not a freak, I'm simply in love and that love is blossoming in many different seasons.

"Romantic love has no elasticity to it. It can never be stretched; it simply shatters. Mature love, the kind demanded of a good marriage, must stretch, as the sinful human condition is such that all of us bear conflicting emotions." - Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage

7 talker(s):

Cally D said...

So wait, I am supposed to let Jeff continue his 2am vacuuming, drilling, etc? lol

That was a great post wedding sister!

Rob and Amy said...

Don't worry Cally P- when Baby P arrives, he will get his karma with the 2 AM and 3 AM wake up calls, HAHAH!!!!

Lindsey said...

Your blog is too cute, love it! You have a new reader!!

Bethany said...

Lovin' your blog! Thanks for stopping by mine. You and your hubby are too cute!!

Stephanie said...

It's funny you posted those quotes. I just started reading Sacred Marriage on Monday! It's some pretty heavy reading and really makes you think about things differently.

We also read the love language book. I really helped me figure out that some things I thought I was doing to let my husband know I loved him really didn't mean a darn thing to him. He couldn't care less if I make a big deal out of him. He would rather that I spend quality time (read give him my undivided attention) with hi,. Now I don't get upset when he brushes off my comments sometimes because that's not filling up his love tank.

This marriage business is tough work!

kara battel said...

hi! i was so glad to see you left me a comment! i was just thinking about you guys the other day- chris was talking about rob on facebook! anyway... thanks... bull by the horns taketh! your blog is adorable! and chris always has such wonderful things to say about rob- maybe when the stars align i will get to meet you both! happy marriage to you!

Sarah said...

I've read Sacred Marriage and The Five Love Languages. They are great reads that give you a real-life perspective on marriage, not just movie-style perspective.