Trash My WHAT?!?!?!

If you have ever commented on here, on facebook, in person on my wedding pictures- I will say Thank You (as I truly am grateful that you think they are gorgeous) and then I tend to follow that with my annoying rant and whine regarding my photographer the day of the wedding.

You see- when we initially met with our photographer, he promised this, and showed me that, told me this and confirmed that. Yes he would do artsy-fartsy..(not all of them, but some). Yes we would have pictures of our rings with my bouquet. Yes Rob would have pictures with all of his groomsmen individually. Yes we would get tons and tons of pictures of everyone getting ready. Pictures of the brand of champagne we drank with our gorgeous toasting glasses next to it with bubbles floating from the bottom to the top of the glasses. Some candid, Some not. Some artsy and abstract, some not. Yes we would get pictures of Rob and me out on the golf course right after the ceremony with me holding the flag on the green, and him putting a ball into the hole. You bet Amy....absolutely.

As I sit here right now typing, tears brim my eyes 6 months and 2 days after that day. Do I have any of those pictures mentioned above? No. We have about 3 pictures of me getting ready and ONE, count them, ONE of Rob getting ready (and it's the picture I posted about 3 posts down when he is buttoning his cuffs). No pictures of rings laid within flowers. There is a picture of Rob with his Best Man (brother) but do we have pictures with him and the other Groomsmen? No. Pictures of our bubbly and flutes? No. Pictures on the golf course, what???? NO.

I know my husband reads this blog, and I know he thinks that all I do is talk about our wedding, and that I need to have more interesting things to talk about- but this is still so raw on my heart, ladies. It breaks me every time I think about it. All, All, ALL I have to remember of regarding that day are my own memories (which are a blur) semi-etched into my mind as well as about 200 lousy photographs.

Now before you say anything- YES, my photos are real. They aren't overly-edited and they did capture the special moments of that day. Rob and I are real people. We aren't fancy, we aren't showy- we are just simple people...and in fact the song we performed our first dance to is called Nothing Fancy (and as I found this link and put it into my Blog I have it playing in the background and the tears have now flown past the barrier of the brim of my eyes). We are just us. Don't know what tomorrow holds- but we will hold each other through it.

As I look at some peoples' photos from their weddings recently, I think they lost focus of the day- and there was too much focus on making their pictures look "magazine worthy" or "portfolio worthy". They are over edited or too posed. So that is not what I am looking for.

But I do feel cheated. I do feel that our photos were over promised and under delivered. When it comes down to it, I feel guilt. I feel guilty for cheating myself and my family and my husband and his family out of what "was supposed to have been."

I know pictures aren't what makes the day. I KNOW THAT.

But I am so sad. I haven't even begun to put our album together because I feel like we don't have adequate pictures. My photographer sent me his "idea" and "preliminary" cut of our WEDDING ALBUM and yall, 2 of the pages are full of our Engagement Pictures. WHAT??? This is our WEDDING ALBUM. When I saw it, I emailed him back and told him I was too busy right now to focus sufficient attention to the album process, but in all truth- I was hurt. Are there engagement pictures in the album because even YOU, YOURSELF, THE PHOTOGRAPHER couldn't find enough good pictures to make a full album???

Here I thought I was going to have to ADD pages (and $$) to the cost of our album, and now- I'm going to have a hard time filling the standard amount of pages.

Yall, I need advice. What would you do in my situation? I turned down 2-3 other photographers who were in the same price range because this man pretended he had a passion. I fell for it. He pretended that he would do this and that and I believed him. And now, when I want to physically look back on my day- I only have one shot here and there to look at. I have tried to look through the pictures and see into the people inside of those photographs. I have tried my hardest. I have like I said, the faint blurred memories in my head as the day went by in a FLASH.

I first saw my photographer going downhill in my bridals when he was "placing" me in the same spots at the Arboretum that I saw other brides' on his website being placed in. I called and explained that I felt he needed to photograph me in ways that reflected me as the bride, and my personality. I told him I needed him to fall in love with me as his canvas and show off who I am through the photos. I'm not like "every other bride" he may have had. He knew I was silly, and giddy, and happy go lucky. He knew I'm not fancy really, but I'm not boring. I cried on the phone after my bridals were up to view, and I explained to him that I expected more. He had promised me more. We talked and I thought we had a great understanding of what the wedding day would bring and what photos would come from that day.

After our wedding, once I saw the gallery- I was in tears. I called him again bawling and this time some of my frustration was shown. I asked him where my pictures were like the ones he showed me that day in the coffee shop. He said "Well Amy I spent a lot of time thinking up those pictures and then editing them". Um, OK- GREAT. Where are mine????? He had no answer. He simply said he was sorry. Well thank you for taking THOUSANDS of dollars and providing me 200 photos to show from it. 2 of me getting ready. Not one of my mother coming down the aisle. ONE picture of Rob and I together right after the ceremony. ONE picture of Rob getting ready. Thank you for all of that.

Some of you may be reading this and saying "she is nuts, who cares..there is so much more to it, and be thankful for your life." I know this. Believe me, right now Rob and I are in the toughest spot we have been in as a couple with me being a student and him being laid off as of February 10th. 6 Months married...and they have been the toughest 6 months ever. And when I look back on this event it just tears me up inside.

So I have some questions. I'm asking the regulars and the "lurkers" to come out come out wherever you are and provide me some support.

What would you do? Do you think I should just let it go and build the best album that I can? Try and capture the day with the photos he took? Do I get my parents involved since they are in fact who he (I like to say) stole from? Is it wrong of me to feel like he owes me something??? Do I just pray for peace in my heart that only the Lord can bring?


And on the flip side...I've been contemplating a trash the dress session with my husband. I have a couple of photographers in mind that I would like to use, to do this session, and would love to have this done for our 1st Anniversary and I want to have myself in my dress and my husband in a nice shirt, pants, tie and jacket (not a full blown tux). I have thought about my dress and I'm not going to make it into a bassinet or christmas tree skirt. I don't know if I will ever have a daughter, and I want her to pick her own dress. I'm not preserving mine...so it hangs right now. I think a trash the dress session would be fun, and a way to get some passionate- wonderful photographs of us. Let me say that this session is in NO WAY trying to represent anything in regards to my wedding day, or how I feel about the other pictures in my dress. It's simply something I have thought about and I am determined to get some phenomenal pictures in my dress.

So I have questions and I really really need yalls help. Would you say anything further to my previous photographer....and what do you think about my ideas for a trash the dress???

And lastly- If you are in the Texas area (even states surrounding it) and have recommendations for photographers that you know have done a Trash the Dress shoot, could you direct me to their website or leave me their information??? I really want to make sure I find just the right person to possibly do this for us in 6 or 7 months.

I know this post has been a bit all over the place, but when this subject rears its head in my heart, my feelings and emotions overflow all over the place.

Thank you for listening, reading, and providing advice.